Are You Scared Yet?

I grew up with a Dad who knew how to make threats. This may not seem like an admirable talent at first glance but consider the following: when someone looks you dead in the eye, leans down just a little bit to fully focus your attention and says quietly, evenly, "Go back to bed or I will stomp a mud hole in your butt and then I'll stomp it dry" there is absolutely no question of going back to bed or not. You go. Quickly. And quietly.

I unfortunately did not receive this great genetic inheritance for intimidation. When trying to make an unarguable point with my children, I invariably end up shaking my fist in the air, muttering "You'd better do what I say or....or....or.....something bad will happen." I know, not very scary. Perhaps it is because I grew up with such a master that I scoff at the media headlines and government officials trying desperately to convince me of our dire situation. I can't help it - when I read the news, I see myself puffing up, searching for an effective threat in order to manipulate the behavior of two smart, strong-willed children. They know better.

The Application For Government Bailout below just cracks me up. Especially Section 2, Item 3. Hey, maybe they could create a new Office of Homeland Intimidation. My Dad would be first pick for Threat Czar.